Love is long-suffering and kind. Love is not jealous, it does not brag, does not get puffed up, does not behave indecently, does not look for its own interests, does not become provoked. It does not keep account of the injury. It does not rejoice over unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth. It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.
Love never fails.
- 1 Corinthians 13:4-8
CONTINUED FROM LAST WEEK… AND YES THERE WILL BE A PART 4. ;)
Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. You tried. At least you think you did. To love her. To love her as Jehovah would want you to. To endure not touching her. Not kissing her. Not sleeping over at hers. Your hope was that they would be able to trace the last congregation where she was still a Jehovah’s Witness very quickly. Before that they could not accept her fully. They needed to see her Publishers Record Card, the document that held all the information about you, from your date of birth to every hour you have spent preaching, every magazine you have placed in the hands of people, every book, booklet, brochure and tract. It also had information about whether or not you had periods of inactivity, or had been disciplined. They would know exactly what her sins were, the exact nature of the scandal that caused her to be disfellowshipped.
You waited and waited and waited. And while you waited, you moved from joy to hope to frustration. Her last congregation was somewhere in Europe and it would take perhaps a few months until the card came by post via a request through the branch office of that country. Then they would have a meeting with her. And decide if she could be accepted back into the Christian Congregation. No one said it would be quick or easy. But you did not realise what waiting would do to you. That you could not love her without touching her. That you realised you had ruined it all because you were sinning over and over again, ripping off the bandage from a wound that was only beginning to heal. And each time you ripped it, it bled. And the blood flowed into all of your orifices and choked you, made your words garbled so that she could not understand them, made your vision blurry so that you could no longer see the joy in returning to the fold, made your fingers slippery so that you could no longer hold onto the hope of making your parents happy, making her mother happy. The frustration made you irritable. And you fought. About everything. You were frustrated that you did not know what they would find in that card. That in fact you could wait for many many months and it would turn out there was a grave grave sin that needed a long time and clear evidence of repentance to overcome. That they might not even accept that this was a legitimate connection, that this was true love, that in fact you both were right candidates to be brought back fully into the loving fold of Jehovah’s Christian Congregation.
[Love] bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things
You could not bear it all, every aching moment where you wanted to just finally have sinless sex with her. You did not believe it all, every thing she told you about why she was no longer in the truth. Your hope was waning, fast. And in the end you could not endure it. The last fight you had ended it all. She stopped going to the Kingdom Hall. You stopped going to the Kingdom Hall. You still do not know if her card ever arrived from Europe. You still do not know what secrets lurked in there or why it mattered so much to you then.
***
Love is a circumcision; removing the foreskin an act of love that prevents disease and helps with hygiene. You lovingly look at the person being circumcised, knowing you are doing this only for their own good. They will thank you for it. They will grow into men, with no foreskin to pull back and clean when they are adults, no disease lurking in the folds of flesh. And by the time they will be enjoying this state of affairs they will not remember their pain, they will not remember them screaming, looking around for someone to save them from this person cutting them at the most sensitive part of their body. They will not remember the hot tears.
You still struggle to fight the insouciance and ease with which you are able to cut people off. The coldness of heart that was necessary to be a loyal member of Jehovah’s organisation, the ability to look at your best friends who has just been disfellowshipped and just ever talk to them agains until they find their way back to the truth. To never speak to them again, not even if they were getting married, not if they had milestones, not even to go to your favourite coffee shop. The coldness of heart required to love them back into loyalty, love them out of sin.
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